Words; For That

"Jim's been procrastinating all day."

"Jim's been Mondaying all week and now we're out of toilet paper."

""JIm is such a workacolic! He is in the bathroom all the time. I suppose he hopes I'll do his orders too.""

"Sandra kept nubbinating so much that she lost her appetite."

""I have the best French manicure, but my friend has obviously been de-Frenching hers.""

"He was stumpnailing so much he couldn't scratch his butt anymore."

"I hit that Irish Mile driving home today."

"I grabbed exactly the number of hangers I needed for all my clean clothes. I bathed in the brevinco of it all... "

""I was struck by green lightning on my way to work this morning! It was fantastic!""

"I'd ask you to scratch my back, but you'd just have to keep going cause i get itch ripple real bad."

"I scratched one itch and it turned into a total itchplosion!"

"I totally uncovered an itchsurgency yesterday after scratching my arm"

"I'm going to Obsessive Compulsive This Order of gas because it's my way of reducing the chaos in the universe."

"well I got too much last time looks like I'm Dripping even this time. "

"For some reason, I was determined not to fill my car up with more than $4.99 worth of gas... Severe case of anal pumping!"

"I experienced serious reload revelation today when I decided to play Skyrim again. Minutes after starting, I realized that I would have to suffer through an hour of introduction missions before actually being free to do what i want. So i said "f_ck it" and went back to facebook..."

"The loading-screen ennui's setting in again. Should I go outside? Nah."

"I just installed Crysis 3 but when I went to play it I got really strong load lament, TF2 looks more fun right now."

"That poo was so big I cleaned my ass with the splash back. "

"I dropped an s-bomb and it made quite the flushroom cloud"

"My poop dropped so hard, I recieved a dirty bidet."

"My bet lag on the Jets game cost me $20."

"It was a complete post bet-mortem, I lost everything I put down on that horse and I knew it would happen. I am such an idiot!"

"It was a case of mis-stake 'n' identify when he noticed his stake had been foolishly placed."

"Gotta remember to poop before I shower next time, lest I run the risk of having some clean regret."

"I suffered a case of Poo Soon this morning. Luckily, I own a bidet."

"That was a dook fluke!"

"I can't call you until later because I misconnected my phone before bed."

"Man, I needed my phone now but I totally USbitched myself.."

"Damn charger, now the battery is fuck percent."

"That sex was SO good, it triggered sexolepsy."

"I did you, you did me. Now im pömsig zzZzZ"

"benign prostatic hyperplasia"

"It was late Sunday night, after the finale of BSG disappointed us, that regretflix began to kick in."

"I tried to copy some pictures to my data stick had Universal Serial Bewilderment again!"

"Owen excitedly opened his box of chicken chow mein, after seeing how delicious it looked on the menu, only to realize he had brought a dishapointment."

"I tried to get a Snickers but the vending machine snackjacked it"

"I really needed to have a good long clean in the shower. Realizing all i had was nope-soap left, i knew this was not possible."

"I had a partridge of soap left and decided to wait until had another and use one in each hand."

""I read the description that started Wordforthat.com the same day my boyfriend took me to dinner and I Lock-blocked myself out of his truck.""

""Dude, I accidently pre-pulled. Can you unlock my door again?""

"Sorry, just pullocked myself out again... could you hit unlock again?"

"I earned at least a couple of brownbacks taking a shit today. Feels good man... "

"got a big ol' brown bonus today at work."

"Already at pfp5, gonna be a rough day"

"I hit that air stair so hard, I thought I broke my ankle"

"I miscalculated the stairs and stompled at the bottom. "

"Christ! I just step checked so hard I felt it in my skull.... ugh..."

"I have total name shame. I've been working with the same guy for over a month and have yet to learn his name. "

"I've totally entered the namezone with that guy in our science group"

"It's too far gone, I am doomed to throw a heymater at him from now on."

"I creeped on my ex's facebook and saw she got knocked up, so it was super stalkward when I ran into her yesterday and had to pretend I didn't know anything. "

"I was talking to a cute girl from bio at a party and I had to feign ignorance of her life because I've been stalking her on facebook."

"God, I finally met Shaun's new girlfriend last night and after seeing all his posts about her, I was doing the No Shit Shuffle with her all night waiting to find out something I didn't already know."

"I can't ever remember that dude's name... total heyman to me. "

"After talking for twenty minutes with that John D'Oh, I just gave up and hid in the bathroom."

""Heymate, what the fuck did you do with my frenulum!?""

"You'll never belive the Clark Kent I pulled yesterday while I was mountain biking..."

"I saved a cat from a tree yesterday but it was a total invisiwin"

"Total Incognito Achievement last night, I dropped a stack of dishes, but caught them with my feet! You should have seen it!"

"Jen's lipslip revealed that she cared about One Direction more than a woman of her age should."

"Jerry was talking about periods today like he gets them himself or something. If you're a guy, periods are a no know. "

""When she she mentioned a mole on her back I accidentally slipped into overknowage mode.""

"My mom brought up weekend plans, which caused us to be multiplexting for a while."

"My phone lost connection for a couple of minutes, so when my text was finally send, she had already switched the topic and we started crossconvoing. So annoying!"

"We had a syncoversation the other day about next weekend and the avengers movie. "

"Wait, do I have tabnesia or didn't I just close this?"

"I got bored of reddit so I opened another tab of reddit."

"Gosh, I was so bored yesterday I kept backtabbing to reddit."

"I'm going to a Burlesque show."

"That cop just gave me *the fuzz*... I know I'm not doing anything wrong, but I don't want him to catch me slippin"

"that cop was driving too slow, so i just beat the law"

"" Yo, that chick that just walked by gave me one hell of a scentroduction.""

"I got a great waftermath of that girl as I walked by, she smell so good like!"

""This girl just ScenTeased past me" or "that ScenTease" made me sick"

"Man I snarted in front of everyone today"

"Accidentally double-piped in church... echoed everywhere!"

"Man I was so embarrassed today, I double-ended in front of management !"

"At first I didn't think Ted was financially savvy, but once he told me he used bit coins, I realized that he was a coinnoisseur. "

"I knew John was a Financial Genius when he couldn't stop talking about BTC."

"Owen excitedly opened his box of chicken chow mein, after seeing how delicious it looked on the menu, only to realize he had brought a dishapointment."

"That link after that disgusting story made me think it was a risky-click. Luckily, it was a picture of a cat. "

"I had a serious flesh-back last night of that time I thought fedoras looked classy"

"I really needed to have a good long clean in the shower. Realizing all i had was nope-soap left, i knew this was not possible."

"I had a partridge of soap left and decided to wait until had another and use one in each hand."