Dump n dashBy: Mjtothet
"Walking home from lunch at Chipotle, I had to pull an emergency Dump n Dash at Pho Palace"
Because you dump and then you dash
Backdoor DiningBy: Kautsch
"My toilet's broken so I went to the Italian for some backdoor dining."
Dirty TipBy: sanchothefat
"I don't want anyone at work to know how smelly my poops are so I left a dirty tip at the Pizza Hut."
You're essentially leaving a present, except its a dirty one…
Nah man, if you go over there you'll ruin it. She's a total Monet.
Distance AppealBy: heavye
I thought she was hot too, but she only has distance appeal
50-Yard FakeoutBy: evanzin
"That girl looks good from far away, but is not good looking close up. The ol' 50-yard fakeout."
Dudes love rating girls, sports references, and alliteration.
"I've been having crazy ringxiety lately, but I know my phone is in the car..."
Heard it on NPR about this.
Ghost PhoneBy: fatdolladolla
My ghost phone is blowing up today. If only I had real friends that would call me.
Phantom phonecallBy: pinkbabooshka
"my phone was blowin up earlier and now i'm getting all these phantom calls on my leg"
amputees get phantom limbs, so it makes sense for it to be a phantom call!
Dutch Alarm ClockBy: Xtofer
"I was awakened by the ass-scented fury of my Dutch alarm clock."
Like Dutch oven.
I was dreaming about clouds and bunnies when I fartled myself awake.
slumber rumblerBy: Nickp788
Last night I was dead asleep when all of a sudden I let out a massive slumber rumbler. It woke me up out of a dead sleep.