"I've been having crazy ringxiety lately, but I know my phone is in the car..."
Heard it on NPR about this.
Ghost PhoneBy: fatdolladolla
My ghost phone is blowing up today. If only I had real friends that would call me.
Phantom phonecallBy: pinkbabooshka
"my phone was blowin up earlier and now i'm getting all these phantom calls on my leg"
amputees get phantom limbs, so it makes sense for it to be a phantom call!
"I can't ever remember that dude's name... total heyman to me. "
Avoid using their name by saying "Hey, man..."
John D'ohBy: DonGaspacho
After talking for twenty minutes with that John D'Oh, I just gave up and hid in the bathroom.
"Heymate, what the fuck did you do with my frenulum!?"
As opposed to the American-English term "Heyman", "Heymate" is more common in the Southern Hemisphere after ripping banjo strings.
The situation where you begin having a texting/imessage conversation about 2 separate topics and your messages go back and forth like a swirling DNA helix - i.e. discussing your specific weekend plans and also an depth conversation about The Avengers movie at the same time
"My mom brought up weekend plans, which caused us to be multiplexting for a while."
Portmanteau of multiplex and texting.
My phone lost connection for a couple of minutes, so when my text was finally send, she had already switched the topic and we started crossconvoing. So annoying!
Dump n dashBy: Mjtothet
"Walking home from lunch at Chipotle, I had to pull an emergency Dump n Dash at Pho Palace"
Because you dump and then you dash
Backdoor DiningBy: Kautsch
"My toilet's broken so I went to the Italian for some backdoor dining."
Dirty TipBy: sanchothefat
"I don't want anyone at work to know how smelly my poops are so I left a dirty tip at the Pizza Hut."
You're essentially leaving a present, except its a dirty one…
Ever since Mike and I started working together, he's got me saying "Totes for defs" with him, so I guess that's just a part of our brocabulary now.
vocabulitisBy: incontinent doom
Every time John goes surfing he gets an acute case of vocabulitis.
"I've been hanging out with you too much, I've starting wordopting your lines!"
"I'm getting a bad case of wordoption from you."
Portmanteau of "word" and "adopt".
Fridgefull thinkingBy: oikz
I checked again for some ice cream, but the fridge still only contained green peas and broccoli, I guess it was just fridgefull thinking.
I keep checking the fridge for food. I think I have a case of fatnesia
Fridge DementiaBy: DefineMe!
"Minute after minute, hour after hour, I'll gaze into my fridge and only see milk that's gone sour. Fridge Dementia has me hoping a ready made buffet will be in it."
Fridge Dementia is the perfect faux medical term for this particular situation.
"Ah ha, I just totally mimeclimbed the stairs"
Troll StompBy: cbruins22
Holy crap, I was so high I thought the stairs kept going and came up troll stomping!
"Jenkins took a cleese-step at the top of the escalator and crashed into shop window."
The Ministry of Silly Walks approves of this.
Oh shit! He just got kicked in the balls. I totally nutterstand.
Sympathy ScroteBy: albeedee
"Saw this guy get whacked in the knackers. I had sympathy scrote for ages afterwards!"
It's a play on sympathy pains.
Man, Jamie got kicked in the nuts I was so shocknutted I almost puked.
I got into a stallmate with the guy pooping next to me. I got so frustrated I just ended up leaving.
I see we have arrived at a shituation
Mexican poop-offBy: jayboloni
I was just about to take a dump when Jerry went into the stall next to me, forcing us into a mexican poop-off!